I rarely do housework, but today I had a spurt of motivation and began working on the guest room, a.k.a. catch-all, hide-it-away, junk room. As I sorted through drawers and junk piles, I found several journals from years past. Each had just a few entries…and then they ended. I skimmed a few of the passages and the themes were familiar. I tend to journal when I am putting effort into a new commitment, such as a diet, or when I am inspired from spending regular time in God’s Word. Kind of like now…and this blog.
It’s sobering to look at all of the past starts, to realize how short-lived they were, and to imagine how different I would be today if any one of those starts had continued and become my consistent way of life. If I let myself, I could really get into some serious self-flagellation focusing on all of the failures of the past. I could sadly convince myself that this time will be no different. So, alas, I might as well give up now. I could do that, if I had no hope. But I do have hope and I am determined to learn from the past.
Time and time again, my experience has been that when I am spending time in communion with God, there is supernatural joy and strength for life’s challenges. When I get lazy and drift away from consistent time with God, I lose the struggle. Depression creeps in. Old habits return. My Bible gets dusty and life loses it‘s joy. The only way that this time will be any different is through perseverance and commitment.
Hebrews 12:1 says “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”
If I characterized my Christian walk to-date in race terms, I would have to describe it as a serious of sprints, with a lot of back-tracking in-between spurts. It should be more like an endurance marathon. What will help me persevere? Hebrews 12 verse 2 goes on to say “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus”.
Matthew 14 tells of a time when Peter had his eyes fixed on Jesus, but then he looked at the storm. If your Bible has headings, the heading for verses 22 through 34 is probably “Jesus walks on water.” But Peter walked on the water too! It just was a very short-lived walk. He stepped out in faith and actually began walking on the water. But then he looked at the wind, became afraid, and began to sink.
I feel like my numerous past journals represent times when I had a very short-lived walk on the water. With eyes fixed on Jesus, I began to experience victory in some area of life. Then I took my eyes off Jesus and the entries end. Sometimes I stayed in the water way too long, coming dangerously close to drowning, before calling out to Jesus to be rescued. The only way I can break that cycle and run an endurance marathon, instead of another sprint, is to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. If I do that, all things are possible. Let the storms rage around me, but let me keep my eyes fixed on Jesus.
a few pictures from fall
15 years ago
1 comment:
Dear Janet, Thank you for sharing your struggles, so many that mirror my own. I have that stack of journals at my house, too. It feels therapeutic when I write in them, especially since my writings often take the form of prayers. But I more often take refuge in chocolate, coffee, and movie watching. Talk about trading a precious birthright for mere pottage! Anyway, thank you for your encouragement to make one healthy choice at a time. Today I am going outside in the sunshine, with my walkman on and some lively Christian music, to get some exercise, enjoy God's creation (that does what it was created to do :)), and experience God's joy. Love you, Sister
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