Job Hunting

I went to a job fair yesterday. I dressed professionally and showed up in advance of my appointed time. I participated in the group interview. And I came home and wanted to curl up in a fetal position! Crazy thing is... it's not even a job that matters to me! It won't pay well. It's part-time and probably not enough hours per shift to be worth the drive. So why did attending the job fair leave me feeling so stressed?


When thinking about it, the phrase that came to mind was "I put myself out there". What does that mean? Who uses that phrase? I don't think that I have ever strung those particular words together in that exact sequence before, but that is what came to mind... I put myself out there...


Put myself out there...for what? I'd rather not even answer that question. I could pretend that I don't know the answer... but I do know the answer. I put myself out there...to be judged..to be considered not good enough...or maybe to GET a job that I don't even want... I'd rather be a turtle with a hard shell and all my vulnerability tucked deep inside the shell.


These people don't know me. They don't know how hard I work. They don't know how God has gifted me with an intelligent brain. They don't know that I have an internal drive to excel at whatever I do. They don't know how friendly I can be to customers and co-workers. They don't know me...


It might be a little easier if I had a singularity of purpose regarding the exact job that I am seeking... if I could be like the Olympic athletes in Beijing. It's clear that the participants have a rock solid determination to be the best at their sport. In order to reach the point of being an Olympic competitor, they've had to have been extremely focused and disciplined (for more than a few months!). They've had to train incessantly despite pain and obstacles. They had to know what they wanted...


Why can't I just fast forward through the job hunting process and get right to the exact job that God has in store for me? It would so much easier if Jesus could just come by and say "Follow me to your new rewarding career as a __________". Then, if He could just introduce me and explain to the potential employer what a wonderful employee I'll be...


God does have the power to bring the job to my lap and open all the doors with big billboards pointing the way. So why doesn't it work that way? Because there is something to be learned in the process. The Israelites had to wander for 40 years because they needed to learn lessons first. I have to go through this uncertainty because I need to wait upon God. I need to increase my dependence and trust upon Him. I have to go through the feelings of vulnerability because I need to remember and know that I am a loved child of God. I have to overcome fear of rejection and know that His approval is all that matters.

We don't grow in our Christian walk if things are too easy.

James 1:2-12
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Another lie exposed!

I was watching Joyce Meyer yesterday morning on the TV broadcast "Enjoying Everday Life". She made a point that was a new thought for me. What Joyce said was, something along the lines of, we may mess up Plan A, but God can turn Plan B into far more than Plan A ever would have been... That's an exciting and freeing thought for someone who is (at least) on Plan D!

For years, I've been convinced that I would never experience God's absolute best plan for my life because of mistakes I've made. I knew that God would take my mistakes and work them out for my good, but I still believed that I would never experience the BEST of what He had originally planned for me. I've made that comment in Sunday School settings and no one ever challenged it as being wrong.

Why did I think that? Because I was listening to another one of Satan's lies. Satan wants us weighed down in a spirit of condemnation and not fully understanding God's grace.

I knew I deserved punishment for my sins and did not deserve to receive God's best...That was only for other believers who hadn't messed up as badly as I... Well, you know what???? That was a LIE.

Yes, there are consequences of sin. But they are NOTHING, repeat that, NOTHING, in comparison to God's power to redeem. The scripture in Romans 8 doesn't say "Therefore, there is only a little condemnation... It says there is NO CONDEMNATION for those who are IN CHRIST JESUS. Hallelujah!

Read it out loud with me:

Romans 8:1-4 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

God is more powerful than our failures. He is merciful in forgiving. He will thwart the enemy and turn our weaknesses into victory. His grace endures forever and His BEST is for every believer. You. Me.

Zephaniah 3:14-17 Sing, O Daughter of Zion; shout aloud, O Israel! Be glad and rejoice with all your heart, O Daughter of Jerusalem! The LORD has taken away your punishment, he has turned back your enemy. The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you; never again will you fear any harm. On that day they will say to Jerusalem, "Do not fear, O Zion; do not let your hands hang limp. The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Pulling weeds

I love the way God uses nature to give us "object lessons". An object lesson is a practical or concrete illustration of a principle. This object lesson is about pulling weeds.

My husband and I almost never use our front door entrance. We drive into the attached garage, and enter the house through the kitchen. We rarely have company, and when we do, they often enter through the garage. I can go months without walking the front sidewalk.

I wasn't totally unaware that the front landscaping needed attention. I just didn't want to deal with the problem. I am 47 years old, 100 pounds overweight, and out of shape. Weed pulling is hard work. I didn't care enough to make the effort (i.e. I was lazy). Some people care too much about what others think. I probably don't care enough!

Eventually, the weeds were so tall that you didn't have to walk the sidewalk to see them...you could see them from the highway! I mean they truly looked like tall ornamental grass, only ugly. Is there such a thing as "ornamental weeds"? By this time, they were so overwhelming that I... continued to ignore the problem for awhile longer!

Finally, I knew I had to do something and so I hired my nephew to help me. I wasn't completely unwilling to do the work, but I had let it get beyond my ability to accomplish in a reasonable time frame.

Some of the weeds were really hard to uproot, just as I expected. In those cases, it took some hefty tools and quite a bit of time to dig them up. But some of the weeds came up very easily because they had shallow roots. As he and I were working on a section where that was the case, I was even more ashamed of myself than before for letting the bed get so out of control. Had I tried to work on that section, I could have resolved at least part of the problem much sooner.

Because there were so many weeds, the job wasn't accomplished while my nephew was here to help me. One flower bed still has weeds that I will tackle a little at a time as my body is able. Now, you may think this is crazy, but I felt like God suggested that I get on my knees and pull some weeds while it was cool this morning. Not just a suggestion that I go get started pulling the remaining weeds, but a suggestion that I do it "on my knees".

So, I go out and begin. I got my kneeling pad and began to pull. After a small section was done, I tried to get up. When you are terribly out of shape, it is HARD to get up from a kneeling position without something to hold on to. For a moment, I thought the highway department workers (who were working directly in front of our house) would have to come get me up! If any of them had taken video of me getting up, it could probably be a YouTube hit because it was so ridiculously embarrasingly awkward.

After a brief rest, I began again, but I didn't want to get back on my knees. I had so much difficulty getting up the first time, I didn't want to risk it again. So I tried pulling the weeds from a standing position. Oh my hurting back! Then I tried pulling from a sitting position and that wasn't effective at all. Finally, I got back on my knees. Amazingly the weeds were so much easier to pull from a kneeling position.... That's when God gave me the object lesson. Janet, if you will get on your knees, the weeds that need to be pulled in your life will come up a whole lot easier!

If I consider the whole weed pulling experience, there are more object lessons to be drawn. When I use the term "weeds", think of anxiety, fears, improper desires, bad attitudes, selfishness, etc. Most of us know what our weeds are...

• Ignoring weeds just avoids the problem until it is much harder to address.
• Eventually your weeds will become visible to all.
• New weeds, without time to establish their roots, are much easier to pull.
• Out of control weeds take some powerful tools (God's Word & Holy Spirit) to uproot.
• Sometimes we need to ask for help when a weed problem has become overwhelming.
• It will take perseverance to pull a large well established bed of weeds.
• Weeds are a whole lot easier to pull on our knees.

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

Do you have any weeds to be pulled? Are you resisting a humble, on your knees, position before God? Join me on my knees...

Root Digging Breakthrough... Beth Moore Conference

I just returned home from a Beth Moore conference in Louisville KY. In the conference, Beth explored the parable of the sower from Luke 8. She brought out the following seven points:

• Treasure the wonder (of God’s Word).


• Protect your heart (that Satan might not steal God’s Word from your heart).


• Expect the Test (because it will come).


• Dig the roots (so that you do not fall away easily in time of testing).


• Stop the choke (of anxiety and seeking worldly pleasures).


• Retain the Word (deep in your heart, daily, early in the morning).


• Press forth to your 100 fold harvest (persevere).
  

The first part of my "root digging breakthrough" came in a side note related to “dig the root”. Beth said that our roots will only go as deep as our understanding of God’s love for us. You know how people talk about “light bulb” moments? Well, that was like a “lightening bolt” moment for me.

I have struggled my entire life with not feeling loved and or loveable, and I have never figured out why (until today! I'll write more about that later. Isn't it exciting?!). I believed that God loved others. In fact, I could believe He loved everyone else in the entire world except me. I could say, with some “head knowledge” that He loved me, but I had no “heart knowledge” of it. I just could not feel or accept God’s love for ME, but I also couldn't figure out why I felt so unlovable. If our roots can only go as deep as our knowledge of God’s love, then it is no wonder that I have never gained any deep rooted staying power in victorious living.

I’ve experienced plenty of times when I got a start at victorious living. I would get into the Word and begin to gain some victory. But time after time, my perseverance was lacking. If I could step back through each of those times to examine what derailed me, I suspect that every time it was Satan’s lie that I was not loved. The most recent example of this cycle was in the weeks preceding the Beth Moore conference. In June, I attended Ichthus, a Christian music festival in Wilmore KY. I was really challenged and uplifted to commit to a deeper level of Christian living. I made a renewed effort in regularly reading God's Word, spending time in prayer, making healthier food choices, exercising, and beginning to write. But like many times before, as the days passed, I began to struggle in all of those same areas where I had begun to gain victory. The struggle became intense in the week preceding the Beth Moore conference. Satan was sending his spiritual assassins out in an effort to keep me from attending.

If I were writing this story as a "graphic novel", a (not so) comic book, the cartoon illustration would go like this:

Satan has his minions (henchmen, lackeys) gathered and says "Well, we've almost wiped out all of the progress that God made with Janet during Ichthus. But there is great danger. She has a ticket to a Beth Moore conference! We absolutely cannot let her attend. Go do everything you can to cause conflict in her life and, most important of all, keep her believing that she is not loved. That is her greatest weakness."

It almost worked. A combination of hurts made me want to pull away and just avoid being with my sisters in Christ who would be attending the conference. Satan did not want me to hear the spiritual truths that would be shared at the conference. How Satan was defeated in that effort is a story for another day, but it required a woman of spiritual substance to pull me through.

The lightening bolt truth that Satan desperately wanted me NOT to hear at the conference was that my roots were being kept at a shallow level by my lack of understanding and belief in God’s love for me. I already knew that I lacked perseverance. I certainly knew that I struggled with believing in God's love of me. But now I knew that these two problems were intimately connected. Eureka!

This portion of the teaching came right before a break when "encouragers" were available to pray with me. Cartoon time again...

Janet says to herself "Great! I'll go ask for prayer in figuring out how to deepen my understanding of God's love." Off she goes to find the prayer area. Satan, even more desperate than before, says to his henchmen: "Do NOT let her find the prayer area. We have to keep her chained in the lie that she is not loved. If God breaks that chain, she might KEEP reading her Bible longer than ever before. Oh sure, she'll do better for awhile, just from a temporary inspiration of being at that dratted conference. But if we can keep her out of God's word on a continuing basis, we can keep her feeling unloveable, weak, and ineffective as a Christian. She must not find the prayer area. Go!"

So it's break time, and I head down to find the area where “encouragers” were available to pray with me. But I was in an unfamiliar and huge facility. My seat was on level 5, and the prayer area was down on the main level. I got off the escalator on both level 1 and level 2, but every door I entered off of the lobby took me into hallways with classrooms. I still don't know how you get to the main level of the sanctury!

Next cartoon...

After multiple failed attempts to find the prayer area, Janet passes a greeter giving instructions on where to find the refreshments. Most everyone seems to be following their directions and heading off for some snacks. Janet thinks to herself, maybe I should just go get something to eat. I am starving... Or I could look at the book tables. I know where that is. God's spirit whispers "You can hold out for physical food until after the conference is over and you can find the books another time. Just go back to your seat and read my Word. I want to feed you the bread of life." Janet goes back to her seat on Level 5 and opens the Word searching for some insight. Double Drat!! Satan knows he is defeated now.

That’s when the second portion of my breakthrough came. In a somewhat noisy sanctuary, where many woman were chatting (not following the request to keep the sanctuary as a sanctuary), I sat down and began to read my Bible. The Holy Spirit as my encourager lead me to a Word of promise and shed some light on my darkness. In Psalms 129:2-4 I read “They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me. Plowmen have plowed my back and made their furrows long. But the LORD is righteous; he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked.”

The new truth that the Lord showed me is that the oppression from my youth was in seeing and feeling my mom’s pain and insecurity and her lack of understanding that she was loved. My mom was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic and suffered numerous psychotic breaks throughout her life. It was extremely frightening as a small child and still difficult as an adult. I’ve always known that I was profoundly impacted by her mental illness and I can pinpoint some specific impacts. What I didn’t understand was that my inability to feel love was directly related. I had considered that possibility before, but had discounted it as not being the cause because despite mom’s illness, she showed me love. I didn’t suffer verbal or physical abuse. She and my dad expressed love. Yet I still couldn’t feel love. Why? During that break, God’s spirit spoke to me and said “You didn’t feel love because your mom didn’t feel loved. You didn't experience abuse, but you saw and experienced your mom's pain and turmoil. If she didn’t feel loved, how could you feel love? You saw yourself being so much like her. If she wasn’t loveable, neither were you. You believed the same lies that kept her chained and in bondage. But that passage of Scripture in Psalm 129 is for YOU. Your mom was greatly oppressed and that oppression continued in your life. But I AM RIGHTEOUS. I AM CUTTING YOU FREE FROM THE CORDS OF THE WICKED! And He added “NOW!”

This was my first experience with a Beth Moore conference. I have not yet done a Beth Moore Bible study. So, several times when she used the phrase a “destiny Word”, I kind of wondered about it. It’s not a concept I’m familiar with, but I suspect that the promise of deliverance in Psalm 129:4 spoken to me during that conference is a “destiny word” for me. Life changing. Delivering. Breaking the chains of Satan's lies. Illuminating the darkness with a truth that will allow my roots to grow deeper in the knowledge of God’s love for me so that I can withstand the time of testing.

It was still conference break time and God continued to whisper to me. As a child and a youth, I hurt with the question of why mom wasn’t healed of her mental anguish. As an adult, I’ve come to know that she WAS ultimately healed through death in this life and the transition to a heavenly life. I’ve also known that God has the ability and desire to take my mom’s pain - and my pain growing up with her mental illness - and use it for the benefit of others in similar pain. I’ve felt strong leading to write about it. It‘s one of those things that I began, but did not persevere. God began to gently remind me of this during the break.


The conference resumed and Beth continued teaching. Within a few minutes, she was addressing the point that God will birth passion from our pain. She shared the idea that the only reason we are left in this world when we accept salvation (rather than being immediately united with God) is in “mercy to a hurting world”. If we allow Him, God will use our pain, and our victory through Him, to show mercy to others who are hurting in the same way. That was a direct confirmation of what God had spoken to me during the break. What a blessing, and a sober challenge, to have that confirmation!


I know that the lightening bolt message showing me what was hindering my root growth, and the scriptural promise of deliverance is a new beginning, but it has to be followed with a “long obedience in the same direction“. I have to persevere in reading God‘s Word every day. I have to study about God’s love and hide it deep in my heart so that Satan cannot steal it back from me. I have to expect testing. I have to dig the roots and let God’s word heal and restore me one word at a time. I have to stop the choke "with the Holy Spirit giving me the Heimlich maneuver!", retain the word deep in my heart, and press forth to my 100 fold harvest.


I believe the promise. Now I have to live it. Praise God that His Love Endures Forever!