Men can be SO CLUELESS!

Warning, Warning, Warning Blog Reader...  This post is being composed in a highly agitated state!  My hope is, that in writing the post, it will dissipate some "minor" frustration.  I'll try to relay the story in a humorous manner, and maybe my frustration will be turned into laughter... (If you believe that, I have a real estate investment on Mars to tell you about.)

OK, here's what happened...

I'm relaxed and reading a christian book catalog...feet up... glass of water at my side...TV is on in the background, but I'm not paying any attention.  I'm just sitting relaxed reading a book catalog.... La de da de da...  I read the following product description:

"In Have a New Husband By Friday, author Kevin Leman shows women how making a few changes in attitude, behavior, and communication style can revolutionize their marriages and bring out the very best in their husbands.

I chuckle to myself thinking...It's a book written by a man...  He's going to tell the wives how they can change their own behavior to bring out the best in their husbands.... Could be interesting... Could be funny...might be worth buying... I go on to speculate to myself what suggestions it might include....guessing things like giving lots of positive affirmation to the husband to let him know he is loved, needed, valued, etc.  Tell him how attractive he is to you (big, strong, sexy, smart, capable, - whatever applies).  Don't expect him to read your mind; Say what you mean.  Things like that.

HERE is where I made my mistake.  I found the title and concept a bit humorous and interesting.. and thought that my husband Danny might also.. and was curious what comment he might make in response... and possibly thought it would be funny; I must have just not been thinking on that last one.  So, I read it to him...

You'll have to wait a minute to read his comment in response.  Just be patient.

Now, at this point in my story, I'm guessing that any family and friends reading this, who also know my husband well, are sure that I need to be committed.  They're saying "JANET, HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED BY NOW NOT TO GIVE HIM THAT KIND OF OPENING?!  You really expected a reasonable or funny comment in response???   They're thinking "OH NO! WHAT did Danny say?"  My only defense (please don't commit me) is that "hope springs eternal".  I think I must be an eternal optimist.  And after all, he IS a funny guy.  That is one of the things that attracted me to him.

In providing that opening, and expecting a funny response, I completely ignored the fact that he, like many others, often uses humor that is at another person's expense.  He also is oblivious (NOT A CLUE!) to things that are insulting to a wife.  I initially wrote out several vivid and convincing examples here to illustrate this point.  Believe me, all wives  would have been dumbfounded, outraged, and in complete agreement that he didn't have a clue; Even most men would shake their head and, as a friend recently suggested, think he was behaving like a Kamikaze pilot.  But the clueless illustrations were getting a bit long and had definitely left the "humorous" territory... So, I had to go back and delete them before posting this blog... But I know that you can insert your OWN examples if you're a married woman.  The sad thing is that, even after explaining to him what is insulting, he still doesn't see what the problem is...(Maybe if I get that book about men and women being from different planets, maybe that would explain something?)

So, back to my story.  I've just read the product description to him for the book.  To refresh your memory, here it is again:
"In Have a New Husband By Friday, author Kevin Leman shows women how making a few changes in attitude, behavior, and communication style can revolutionize their marriages and bring out the very best in their husbands. 

So Danny's response was, "Uh, Lose Weight and Get a Job."   THAT was his idea of what would bring out the best in HIM.  Fix ME...   I should have expected it because I've heard it so many times before.  I only let my ire show a little and told him, in a fairly strong tone "YOUR response certainly did NOT bring out the best in ME!"  That brings us to the beginning of this story, because that was when I came into my writing area and began pounding out this blog post.

He later popped into my writing room.  I was cooler by then and tried to explain to him what I thought some of the suggestions in the book might be... After my explanation, he still thought that a self-improvement goal for me would be what would bring out the best in him... Poor clueless guy...

In that kind of logic:  If HE gets on the treadmill every day, quits eating a pound of bacon at a time, and loses weight, then that will bring out the best in ME and I will miraculously lose weight and get a job!  Gee, do you think that example might get through?  If I turn his response around, suggesting that his self improvement goal is what will bring out the best in me, do you think that THEN he would see his response for what it was?  Will he realize we are each responsible for our own behavior and our own happiness?  What was that you said? No???  You think I'm naive????  Well, I TOLD you I'm an optimist, but even I don't have high hopes.

In his defense, he was under the influence of his evening medications by the time this whole encounter occurred.  He gets a bit slow and confused after taking his evening pills.   He will probably have no recollection of it all - but lucky for him, he can read this blog post to remember...Want to lay odds on whether, in his clearest of minds, that he will see that his response "Uh, lose weight and get a job" was not a good response??