Grieving our past

Lately, I've been wondering if I need to start back into counseling in order to process and grieve some issues from the past. I resist the idea for various reasons:

• I don't want to wallow in self-pity (which is easier to avoid if you don't think of it at all);
  
• I would rather just (be able to) pray through it;
  
• I don't want to spend the money or the time;
  
• but most of all.... I don't want to feel the pain.
  

I'd rather continue to avoid, bury, deny, put it out of my mind, trying to MOVE ON... I guess the reason I've been asking the question (should I return to counseling?) is that the avoidance isn't working too well for me. It's not staying buried. Depression keeps cropping up.

So, I question if the reason might be that I haven't done the necessary work to be able to MOVE ON. I know I need to be more consistent in studying the Word. But does God also want me to face and experience more of the pain before I receive complete healing?

This morning, I meditated on Psalm 119:24. I even made a index card... The scripture says "I delight in your statutes; they are my counselors." After that, I decided to put the question of (human) counseling "on hold". I plan to immerse myself in God's Word, and ask the Holy Spirit to be my Counselor. But, as I wrote the last post that included a reference to my time in Africa, painful memories and a great sense of loss intruded. I KNOW that "God is enough" for me. But I also know that he uses human beings to assist in the healing process. It's a hard question for me.