Job Hunting

I went to a job fair yesterday. I dressed professionally and showed up in advance of my appointed time. I participated in the group interview. And I came home and wanted to curl up in a fetal position! Crazy thing is... it's not even a job that matters to me! It won't pay well. It's part-time and probably not enough hours per shift to be worth the drive. So why did attending the job fair leave me feeling so stressed?


When thinking about it, the phrase that came to mind was "I put myself out there". What does that mean? Who uses that phrase? I don't think that I have ever strung those particular words together in that exact sequence before, but that is what came to mind... I put myself out there...


Put myself out there...for what? I'd rather not even answer that question. I could pretend that I don't know the answer... but I do know the answer. I put myself out there...to be judged..to be considered not good enough...or maybe to GET a job that I don't even want... I'd rather be a turtle with a hard shell and all my vulnerability tucked deep inside the shell.


These people don't know me. They don't know how hard I work. They don't know how God has gifted me with an intelligent brain. They don't know that I have an internal drive to excel at whatever I do. They don't know how friendly I can be to customers and co-workers. They don't know me...


It might be a little easier if I had a singularity of purpose regarding the exact job that I am seeking... if I could be like the Olympic athletes in Beijing. It's clear that the participants have a rock solid determination to be the best at their sport. In order to reach the point of being an Olympic competitor, they've had to have been extremely focused and disciplined (for more than a few months!). They've had to train incessantly despite pain and obstacles. They had to know what they wanted...


Why can't I just fast forward through the job hunting process and get right to the exact job that God has in store for me? It would so much easier if Jesus could just come by and say "Follow me to your new rewarding career as a __________". Then, if He could just introduce me and explain to the potential employer what a wonderful employee I'll be...


God does have the power to bring the job to my lap and open all the doors with big billboards pointing the way. So why doesn't it work that way? Because there is something to be learned in the process. The Israelites had to wander for 40 years because they needed to learn lessons first. I have to go through this uncertainty because I need to wait upon God. I need to increase my dependence and trust upon Him. I have to go through the feelings of vulnerability because I need to remember and know that I am a loved child of God. I have to overcome fear of rejection and know that His approval is all that matters.

We don't grow in our Christian walk if things are too easy.

James 1:2-12
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.